It's just me

I'm not very good at paying attention...

Not very good at remembering things you say....

I'm not very good at pursuing  redemption..

Not very good at concealing the hand that I play...

Always been the way I am...

I'll never change..

Not again...

I was never this way...

Circumstances.. Fate... Readjusted me...

I lost the ability... Was taught... Cruel ..twisted... 

Why reprogram me .. Mold me... 

This wasn't me..

I don't remember me..

Don't remember you... Tears don't hold memories... Sadness yes...

Lost you.. The memories.. Tormented.. Haunted...

Maybe I blocked you out.. Hid.. 

I look now and it's gone... Miss you so much... 

We lost.. You lost... Gone... And time has stolen the last of you...

Now I'm just trying to get to you...

Failing... Can't find you ... Gone...

One thought... One word..

Who decided you had to fly away...

Now my memory is gone... Or just misplaced 

Searching... Will find me too..

Who knows... Maybe I'm looking in the wrong place

... I write this as I feel it.. Has been years of trying to find lost memories.. Clutching an ember and waiting for the fire.. The warmth that may hold the missing pieces.. I lost a lot.. But the worst is the ability to retain thoughts.. Remember instances...

I'm sorry you don't understand the effect and see it differently.. 

I always said sorry, cause I was at that moment..

Forgive me ... Just needed reminding..