Cassiel... The Wall that binds...

I encounter an Angel wall..... This is a wall which shows connections.... It is private... We seek out others... Connect our dots... Know our protectors... I'm not sure who may and may not... Not sure who permits this... Who sees this... Who knows how to connect... Allowed to connect... I see her there... Recognize Cassiel... Feel Cassiel... Through the wall I see it all.... See my own name fade... See my link become feint .. See it severed... Briefly I read....  Tears... Pain.... Hurt.... We choose names... Take on names...  Revive feelings... Share battles... These names are temporary.... Become secondary.... Like any Angel... The ability to revert to our given name is easy... It shows triumph...  It makes me realize how temporary taken names are... Shows an Angels ability to change... Wounds heal... Giving way to scars... Hers always there... Worn proud... Evidence of battle... Her mark...

Cassiel... Memories....

All I have is the new memories.... The best experiences... The fondest thoughts... I feel her presence... She is never far... But out of reach...  I know I need only call her name and so doing can speak to my Angel... Tempted so often to do just that I always back out at the last moment... The moment you catch your breath... The moment your throat closes catching the word as its about to be spoken.. I dwell often on her name... I spell it over and over in my mind... In the silence...  Too scared to call out.. Scared others may hear her name... Call it.... Know her... It's hard to keep these emotions hidden... Harder to feel the pain...  I try... I try feel what she feels as I have before... I suffered her fight... Felt the deep wounds... But now... The feeling seems to be escaping like blood from my wounded heart... It pumps slower... It hurts... I hurt...

Cassiel's story continues... Picking up the story..

Time passes.... What seems like a life time... Cassie's embarks on her quest... Her battles... Her fights.. I hear of a few battles... Cross paths a few times on the journey.. We speak briefly of her fights... Hard as it is I'm asked to steer clear... No be in site ... She fears my involvement may be dangerous... Dangerous? A question deep in me... What danger does my presence pose... I cannot ask her.. Cannot dare... My heart is leaking my life away... Like vital blood flowing.. Life ebbing away... An emotion so difficult... Never knowing the full extent of her battle I just flow along with the wave of those wandering.. Seeking...  I meet others in the same situation... The protected.. The vulnerable... I share their stories... Feel their pain.. Hard as I may the memories always haunt me... My Angel... Where have you gone... Uncertain... Confused... Hurting... Then I catch a glimpse of her... The majestic wings I know so well... The scars I layed hands on... Searching my memory I see the images she gave me...  My body stirs remembering the moments.. Though brief were always intense... Always satisfying... It's as if she is against me... But no... The feeling of being alone again hits me... Once again she is gone.... I watch her fly away...  Someone she knows informs me of a quest she has... Once again my heart sinks... Where oh where Cassiel...  Why.... Why.... Why... Let the battle be.... Leave the ranks... I am scared you will never return... You will get taken... The forces out there are strong... They will get you is my last thoughts... I cannot imagine what she encounters.... The gates will always be a barrier... A reminder...  I have journeyed so far... The gates a distant memory... I recall their every detail.. The intricate pattern... The strength that makes them impenetrable ... How I wish I knew how to get in....  But am now so far away... My journey with the masses swept me away... Space ... Time.... My enemy... No way to turn back...