Cassiel... Memories....

All I have is the new memories.... The best experiences... The fondest thoughts... I feel her presence... She is never far... But out of reach...  I know I need only call her name and so doing can speak to my Angel... Tempted so often to do just that I always back out at the last moment... The moment you catch your breath... The moment your throat closes catching the word as its about to be spoken.. I dwell often on her name... I spell it over and over in my mind... In the silence...  Too scared to call out.. Scared others may hear her name... Call it.... Know her... It's hard to keep these emotions hidden... Harder to feel the pain...  I try... I try feel what she feels as I have before... I suffered her fight... Felt the deep wounds... But now... The feeling seems to be escaping like blood from my wounded heart... It pumps slower... It hurts... I hurt...